i don't know how you do it at your house but we've really been working with avery on 'asking' us things instead of 'telling' us. for instance, i would rather hear "may i have a snack please," rather than "i want a snack." or, "will you get me a puzzle please," rather than " get me a puzzle." we're believing that this common courtesy will pour over into other areas of her life ~ that we don't get to tell people what to do and just expect them to do it....we also don't always get what we want. 1 john 4:21 says that if we love God we must also love our brother. i don't know about you, but shouting orders (i'm thinking long term here) doesn't sound very loving. we are to sing His praises with our words, not cause anger and strife. our prayer, for our family, is that the words from our mouths and the meditation of our heart will be acceptable in His sight (ps 19:14)
so.....for the past two weeks allen and i have worked hard on this and, i'm happy to say, that our strategy (completely made up by us...meaning, a shot in the dark) has worked! in the past she would state a demand, not ill mannered or rude, just telling me what she wanted. i, in turn, would respond with "are you asking me or telling me?" "asking," she would reply and then (at first) i say "well how do you ask?" and she would restate her request in a question form. soon, i didn't have to prompt her as to how to ask, she would just say "i'm asking...may i have a snack please." i thought we were on the right track but she was still telling us things much more than she was asking. so....we started ignoring her. anytime she tells us something we simply don't respond...go on about whatever we're doing and wait - you know, back to her, eyes closed, silently praying she'll know what to do next all by herself. it clicked. almost immediately she rephrases her request. we still have a really long way to go, and i don't want this to seem like more of an accomplishment than it really is. but this is a step in the direction that we hope is the right way. it's always an encouragement to hear from other moms...so tell me what works for you!
3 comments:
How sweet...we do the same thing with Josiah. He was doing sooo great for a looonnnggg time....always asking. Now we are going through a phase where we are having to remind him that he cannot tell us things. We find ourselves ignoring him a lot too though! These kiddos are so funny!!!
Same here! We say "how are you supposed to ask a question?" or we say "no you have to ask nicely" or something to that end. We have great months of no need for a reminder on this and then months of constant reminding. It is a process, as you know! What's great is seeing it happen without the prompts. That feels like a huge win no matter how small it is in real life. :)
What we've found ourselves in now is "Mom, I KNOW I'm not the Mommy and I KNOW I'm just the sister but... JB is doing x" or whatever. There are times I NEED to know what he's up to b/c I can't hover over him 24/7 but I don't want to encourage this habit either!
Such delimna's!
Blessings!
Oh, wow! I really needed to read that post today! Ellie is definitely ready for some more 'direction' in the demanding everything area! We are totally starting to see where this little attitude affects everything! Thanks for the great tips! We love you all!
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